What is BDSM?
What is BDSM?
BDSM stands for "Bondage/Discipline" "Dominance/Submission" "Sadism/Masochism". A person into BDSM may or may not be into all of these categories. You will also hear the terms "S&M" (sadism & masochism), "S/M" (Sex Magick), and "D/s" (Dominance/submission). While these are all erotic sexual practices, most people in "the Scene" will tell you that 50-75% of it is mental/emotional.
Sometimes people in a regular relationship ("vanilla") try tying each other up once in a while, or act out a spanking scene, to spice up their love life. At the other extreme, there are those who are "24/7", people who live in a "Total Power Exchange" (TPE) with the Dominant partner having total control over all aspect of the submissive partner's life.
The catch-phrase you will hear most often is SAFE-SANE-CONSENTUAL. SAFE -- looking out for each other's personal safety. SANE -- looking out for each other's mental/emotional health. CONSENTUAL -- Both partners are of legal age, and are making their choices with informed consent.
BDSM does not mean rape, it does not mean emotional and physical abuse or battering. If you did not consent, it shouldn't happen. There are several questions which help explain BDSM vs. Domestic Abuse (thanks to another sub-- if you know who the author is, please email me at the address below so credit may be given where due. Thank you.).
i'm fairly new to all this, but this is my $0.02 worth...what i've gathered from my personal experience, and what i've read from others more experienced than myself.
D/s is a path, a winding road upon which we learn from others, and learn from within.
1. Is it CONSENTUAL?
UNLESS you have been able to answer YES to the most of the above questions, you are in a POTENTIALLY ABUSIVE relationship
NOT BDSM!
2. Is he in CONTROL of himself?
3. Does he REFRAIN from hitting you in anger?
4. Are you ENCOURAGED to grow within the relationship?
5. Do you FEEL valued?
6. Are your RELATIONSHIPS with family and friends SUSTAINED?
7. Are you EAGER to play and enjoy special times with him?
8. Do you SEPARATE your BDSM play and personal interaction on a daily basis?
9. Does he HONOR safewords and signals?
10. In intense scenes to date...do you FEEL safe and EMOTIONALLY supported?
